Who am I? First of all, I’m foremost a liar, but then, so are you.

This is the post excerpt.

I’m a cynic. I believe that people’s heads are chock full of vast amounts of knowledge. The problem is that most of that knowledge is wrong. Wizard’s first rule, people are stupid. Sorry, I’m not excluding myself from that cynical statement. We are lied to constantly and we don’t even know it. It’s so routine that it might as well be the chirping of crickets. Every advertisement you see or hear is a lie. Of course it is! You believe lies because you want them to be true, or you fear they are true, not because they are true.

So if a liar tells you to listen with a cynic’s ear, to listen with the understanding that most of what everybody says is either a lie or a mistake, then what?

How to set your wing-mirrors

Once upon a time I wasn’t exactly what you’d call the best driver. For some reason I kept getting into accidents that were ruled as my fault. One particular time, I attempted to fight a ticket for failure to yield the right of way, in court, and they offered me a compromise. If I’d attend an eight hour driver education class, they’d dismiss the charges and there would be no additional points on my license.

I honestly didn’t expect to learn anything of value, but I took the class, and learned a lot. Of all the things I learned, the one most valuable piece of information that I learned and the simple truth that I learned and keep trying to teach others is also one of the many things that nobody will listen to or believe because it contradicts what they think they know. How to set your wing mirrors, those mirrors to either side of your car. I know how you probably set yours. Everybody is taught the same way. Adjust them so that you can just see the side of your car. Isn’t that how you were taught? That’s how I was taught. That way, if a terrorist is creeping up behind your car on foot with a rocket launcher, you’ll be able to see him as he sneaks up alongside your car. Or, If a motorcyclist is lane splitting you won’t be foolish enough to open your car door in traffic at just the wrong moment.

Everybody has that blind spot. You set your wing mirrors so that behind you at your 7 to 8 o’clock you can’t see that car who’s been silently hiding there, riding along in your blind spot. I know, I know. You’re supposed to turn your head and look behind you before changing lanes. That’s certainly the best policy and I’d say that you definitely should when you can. But sometimes…that’s not an option.

There are moments in time that are absolutely critical. Events converge and you have a split second to make a decision. Most people slam on the brakes and pray. Do you have enough time to stop? Does the car behind you have enough time to stop? What about going around? Is that an option? Do you have time to turn around in your seat and look behind you with that split second you have to make your decision? Can you really afford to have a blind spot in the middle of your side lanes?

Think about it logically. Where is a car more likely to be? four inches from your left rear quarter panel or four feet? Your rear-view mirror already covers the spot four inches from your rear left and right quarter panels. Why do you have your wing-mirrors aiming down the side of your car? It doesn’t make sense. Yet I’ve convinced nobody of this simple truth. I tell them of the better path, but they just shrug and keep going the same way they always have.

Here’s how to set your wing-mirrors. As you sit in the drivers seat, lean your shoulders to the left until your head is almost touching the left window. Then set your mirrors so that you can just see the left side of your car. Then sit straight again. You won’t be able to see the side of your own car, but you will be able to see your seven-to eight o’clock. Now lean way over to the right, until your head is in the center of the car. Now set your right wing-mirror so that you can just see the right side of your car. You won’t be able to see ninja’s sidling up beside you in your wing-mirrors anymore, but you will be able so see that one car that always seems to be riding right there, in your former blind spot.

I may not have convinced you. If the past is any indicator I haven’t. People know what they know, and all the logic in the world just goes in one ear and out the other if they hear something that contradicts what they know to be true. Setting my wing-mirrors like this has been a life-saver. I mean that in the most literal sense.




The Truth

Here’s the truth, I’m not allowed to speak the truth. Speaking the truth would make me a phobe. Now then, rational people understand that rebutting a factual argument with a label like “phobe” is a text book example of ad hominem. But today I’m not talking about rational people. I’m talking about people who voted for her. It was her time. They were with her. Obviously the people who didn’t vote for her are misogynists, that just goes without saying, but of course everybody does say it. Over and over.

The truth is that everybody hates Donald Trump. I’m allowed to say that. Most people don’t know exactly why that hate him, but they’re sure he must be evil incarnate. They’re sure, because they watch television. They read newspapers and magazines, and listen to public radio stations, and all of the aforementioned assure us moment by moment that everybody hates Trump. He’s a RAAACIST, and a misogynist, he hates LGBQTXYZ and so much more! Trump is a hater, that’s what he is. He probably amassed his billions by stepping on the necks of women gays and brown people.

The truth is that there’s an elephant in the room in England. We dare not speak it’s name. If we did that within the borders of Great Britain we’d be guilty of a hate crime and off we’d go to the pokey. When we got there, other inmates would ask: “What are you in for?” and we’d have to say…”I said the name of the elephant in the room,” at which point they’d no doubt gasp in disbelieving amazement and ask: “Seriously? Out loud, even?”  At which point we’d probably have to go into protective custody because blasphemy or violating Great Britain Sharia Law, or whatever they think of next to silence people speaking the truth.

Everybody dance! Dance around the truth. Don’t look at the elephant in the room. Pretend it doesn’t exist. If it trumpets don’t flinch. It someone is trampled to into a bloody pile of mush, get your mop, your bucket, and later on salve your feelings of sorrow by holding a vigil. That’s sure to solve all of our problems. Whatever you do, don’t acknowledge that the elephant in the room is a problem, because that would make you a pachydermaphobe.